Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
