That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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