What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
