Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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