I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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