Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize