We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
