have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
