at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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