Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize