lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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