Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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