I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
