There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
