K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
