he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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