so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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