at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
