Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
