She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
