you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
