he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
