mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
