i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
