mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
