I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
