she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I understand Curling. That high.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
