I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
How does one acquire holy water?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
