Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
