she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
