Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize