I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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