Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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