toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
