She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have feelings that need drinking.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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