I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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