Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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