we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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