I'm laying in your front yard are you home
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
There's even glitter on my cock...
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