would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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