In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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