If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
