dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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