gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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