can u get pink eye on your cock?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
