i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
