Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
