she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
