So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Do vagina's smell?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
