He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
