i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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