For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
