So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
