Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
