Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
