Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize