I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize