woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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