Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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