ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
