This is not my ceiling
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
