I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
