i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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