Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
