We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
