8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
