How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
